HELP!!!!

My house is overrun with people less than half my size. They outnumber me and have a propensity to puke and poo with no notice. Each one seems to have double the energy that I have and can make messes faster than I can clean them up. Just today the smallest one pooped in the bathtub causing me to have to have to wash each kid again, scrub out the tub and bleach all the tub toys. Then the big one gave the little one an Oreo while she was in her bed. Within minutes the Oreo was all over her face, hair, clothes, sheets, and crib. So, of course, I had to strip her and her bed and wash everything. Oh, and, after the big one gave the little one an oreo he hid in the corner and ate everything that was left in the bag. Then they tag teamed me and both produced the most foul, offensive diapers imaginable while we were in the middle of Costco. Shopping was abandoned and we spent the next 20 minutes doing diaper duty out of the back of the car. Then they both had a melt-down when it was time to leave the neighbors house and I had to carry them both home in the middle of temper tantrums and coax them both down for naps. All this happened before it was time to not only MAKE dinner but then try to cajole each of them to swallow something somewhat nutritious. And to top it all off - - I can't seem to find the paycheck for a hard day's work!